Is

Not to bring this back to the 90s and Bill Clinton's parsing of this verb, though that might not be such a bad thing economically, and there seemed to be more optimism then.
Whew!
How do I get myself into those kinds of sentences? Gah.

Anyhoo, back to my point. Which is?

So much trouble in life seems to be from fighting what is. Fighting reality is the cause of nearly all suffering. Yes, I've jumped on the Be Present bandwagon whole-heartedly, and I subscribe to the philosophy of Eckhart Tolle. (What is with my run-on sentences today???) I fully believe that reading his books got me through my Ironman. More on that in a later post.

But really. In any given situation you have three choices:

1) Accept it. Go with it and understand that nothing lasts forever. If it's a pleasant situation, you'll enjoy the present. If it's unpleasant, you can still enjoy it knowing that it'll pass. This of course doesn't mean you have to like it. But if you let go and just accept if for what it is, you'll stop suffering. My favorite example of this is brought to you by our friends in the airline industry. Surely you've been stuck in a situation where your plane is horrendously late and you're sitting in your seat on the runway. What can you do? You can rail against the incompetence of the airlines and huff and puff, working yourself up into quite the stew. But does anyone but you care about what you think? No. I guarantee it. Fight later, when you're off the plane. Chill now.

2) Change it. If you can that is. Or if you want to.

3) Leave. If you can't accept it or change it, get out.

These are the only choices. There are three. That's quite a lot, actually and it gives you more freedom than you can imagine. You'll notice that none of the 3 include fighting (though one could put fighting under the "change it" heading, but I wouldn't include attack or violence), complaining, moaning, blaming or martyring oneself.

Pretty simple, no? Most things are. I think I like this philosophy because it cuts through all the crap. There's not much to remember and nothing to chant. So many times I hear people (myself included) saying, "I can't." 90% (lies, damned lies and statistics) of the time it isn't true. It's not that I (or you, use the pronoun of your choice) can't do something, it's that I choose not to for one reason or another.

About 15 years ago, John and I were out drinking with some co-workers of his. I can't remember their names, but I know we ended up at the Crocodile Cafe. One of his co-workers, I'll call her Kathy, was about 10-15 years older than we were at the time, which would have made her late 30s to early 40s. She was there with her partner, who I'll call Ellen, who was closer to our age.

Kathy was bemoaning the fact that she hated her job and that she wanted nothing more than to become a veterinarian or at the very least, a vet tech. I asked her why she didn't just go ahead and do it. She said something along the lines of "I can't afford it." I asked her why not. (Remember, I'd been drinking, so was more inquisitive than I'd normally be). Kathy said that she had house payments, and was too old to make any changes. Ellen then asked her if there was a magic age at which a person has to give up their dreams (brilliant!!!). Kathy hemmed and hawed at that one, and said that she just couldn't make that kind of change.

The conversation continued along these lines for a while, with Ellen and I insisting that she should go for it and she averring and saying she couldn't. I woke up the next morning with an entirely different perspective on life. (Probably a little hungover too). It wasn't that Kathy was physically unable to become a vet tech, it was just that it was more important to her to maintain her status quo than to overhaul her life to reach her dreams. It wasn't that she couldn't do it, it's that she wouldn't do it.

And I believe she suffered for it. Why? She didn't accept it (she hated her job). She didn't change it (by pursuing her dreams). She didn't leave. Fighting what is=suffering.

This is why there are unhappy people who seemingly have every material thing under the sun, and happy people who have nothing.

It's a choice.